Math Halloween


Some teachers (well, a Prof in this case) love their job. And it shows! Since that's scary, we show it back to you! Happy Halloween!

The idea that math HAS to be fun is pretty much foreign in most other cultures. If we are to believe Gladwell and the research he presents in Outliers: The Story of Success, several factors conspire to make it harder for Western students to learn and study than it is for their Eastern, especially Chinese counterparts:

  • rules of pronunciation and number logic are simpler and more consistent – for instance, the words for 10-19 are constructed similarly with the words for 21-29 in Chinese, and the process is consistent from 1-100;
  • the actual words for number are shorter, and as such are more easily memorized, which makes math seem easier in those all-important early years
  • there is a different culture of work, due to traditions – e.g., rice cultivation is far more knowledge-intensive than wheat and other Western staples; it is also less territorially expansive; because of fixed-price leasing, Chinese peasants had more had incentives to work proportional to their effort, whereas their Western counterparts were usually indentured

It thus appears that Western teachers have a much harder time passing knowledge to their pupils. Some get so creative, that their students are bound to want to learn math (or become entertainers IdeaNot worthyOh go on)

This being a private Christian university, it is unlikely that anything improper could happen. But what if in a parallel universe, Matthew has a less ethical evil twin who teaches literature?!? The Onion has the answer:

Girl Would Be Terrified If She Knew Teacher Had Crush On Her Too

February 14, 2009 | Issue 45•07

Mr. Patterson, Onion Professor of Literature BOISE, ID—Seventh-grader Rebecca Hodgson—who recently developed a crush on her English teacher Douglas Patterson—would very likely be horrified to learn that the 47-year-old has similar romantic feelings toward her.

"Mr. Patterson is so smart and nice," said the Lakeland Academy student, completely unaware that the man five years older than her own father not only finds her equally attractive, but also has long and involved fantasies about her. "I really like his smile. And his eyes are gorgeous."

"I know it's silly, but I think Mr. Patterson is kind of sexy," continued Hodgson, blushing with embarrassment and not nearly as frightened as she might be upon discovering that her teacher has a well-worn copy of her yearbook photo next to his bed.

A two-time member of her school's honor roll, Hodgson was placed in the entry-level course at the beginning of the year. Since then, she has been charmed by her teacher's passion for the English language, a passion that pales in comparison to his late-night longing for her.

"Not only is he handsome, but Mr. Patterson is funny as well," said Hodgson, who would never laugh again were she to guess what the 230-pound adult does with her class assignments in his car. "He's not like all the other lame teachers we have at Lakeland. Mr. Patterson is different."

"He doesn't treat us like kids, you know?" added Hodgson.

According to sources, this is only the second crush the seventh-grader has ever had, and the first to be reciprocated by a man who, sometimes after class, likes to sit down at her desk and slowly close his eyes. Excited as she is by her new crush, Hodgson has thus far informed only a few of her classmates about her amorous feelings.

"I told Cynthia that I bet he's a really good kisser and she agreed," Hodgson said less than an hour after field-hockey practice—a practice run by the team's new head coach, Douglas Patterson. "I shouldn't have said anything, though. If he ever found out, I'd probably be in big trouble."

While she remains blissfully unaware of his secret desire for her, Hodgson has expressed excitement over recent events that suggest she might be Patterson's favorite student. According to a smiling Hodgson, her teacher has complimented her dress at every school dance this year and, just last week, held her after class to extol the qualities of her writing, which, Patterson said, shows she has "maturity beyond her years."

In addition, Hodgson reportedly noticed Patterson staring at her from his classroom window during lunch on Monday, but ultimately dismissed the strange incident, claiming that the 47-year-old was "probably just seeing if there were kids smoking on school property."

"I must be completely infatuated with him or something. It's like, everywhere I go, I think I see Mr. Patterson," Hodgson said. "Just yesterday, I looked out my window before going to bed and I could've sworn I saw his Honda Civic parked right across the street. Isn't that crazy?"

When asked how he feels about his students, Patterson said that he loves shaping young and inquisitive minds, enjoys preparing the next generation for the challenges that lie ahead, and has been very happily married for 23 years.

"Rebecca is a very bright and enthusiastic student," Patterson said. "I look forward to following her development at Lakeland Academy for years to come."Red heart

Sources / More info: original-mp4, matthew-weathers, Onion-giiiirl

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